Fabio is a darling little boy who sleeps and eats and cries and grows up and so on. He is going to be 1 month old tomorrow but tomorrow is Saturday so I already know I won't have the time to sit down and write a post to honor his first monthiversary (this word actually exists).
In his one month of existence, he can count 1 orange hitting his little head, 1 well-done slap in his face, 1 quasi-rollover from the Moses basket, and several pinches.
His mother (me) counts several slaps in her face, several yells in her ears, several kicks taken, much less patience.
I'd love to write a post about "Fabio and I" but I've come quite quickly to the conclusion that "Fabio and I" actually have not really existed so much. On the contrary it is very much "Fabio vs Bianca and I as a mediator".
It is not entirely true of course. During school hours I have got plenty of time to enjoy my new baby, with lots of cuddles and kisses and that amazement of milk stench all over my clothes, but my head spins much more than back in 2011. Back in 2011 I was totally relaxed and drowned in my new role of Earth mum. I loved every second, I can clearly remember that amazing state of mind.
This time around I'm more concerned about Miss Big Sister than in love with Little Bro. B is definitely struggling with this new arrival and all the other changes she's gone through in the last 6 months. Can't really blame her, but on the other side, I can't justify unacceptable behaviors. And the middle ground isn't easy to find.
Plus I feel guilty because I'd love to give Fabio what I gave to Miss Big Sister back in 2011.
But things change, and for us, too many things have changed. I guess I'm in this space of mind because I'm not entirely comfortable with my new life and this is why I'm experiencing more "bad mummy moments" than I'd like.
Showing posts with label rainbow2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rainbow2. Show all posts
Friday, 23 May 2014
Friday, 25 April 2014
He is born. The worst is over!
I've been a good girl this pregnancy, I'm proud of myself. I also considered the chance to go full term and let nature take her course but medicine wasn't on my side. Anyway the last 2-3 weeks have been really tough emotionally and I got to the point I could not cope well anymore. Everyone home was suffering from my anxiety so I decided to put my selfishness aside and go for an early induction. No dream delivery this time around too, but better all safe (and mentally sane) than sorry.
So yesterday I've been induced for the third time in my life, but this time it was surprisingly straightforward. On pitocin since 9am, water broke at 12.30 at 8.21pm Fabio came into the world safe and sound. Baby and mummy all well. I had John and Bianca as birth partners and it was cool. Bianca was curious to see what was going on, although she was also interested in her cartoons on the Ipad, but she got the chance to see her brother joining our family straightway instead than arriving after all was said and done. She wanted to touch him, kiss him, hug him and then she went off to buy me some dinner and got a nice chocolate pudding all for herself which moved all the other events to the background.
Fabio is a pretty normal newborn which feeds, poos, pees (up), cries and sleeps but it's cool to have a newborn again.
I'm well, looking forward to go home and begin this new adventure as family of four (+ angel).
He is here, now it's easy!
So yesterday I've been induced for the third time in my life, but this time it was surprisingly straightforward. On pitocin since 9am, water broke at 12.30 at 8.21pm Fabio came into the world safe and sound. Baby and mummy all well. I had John and Bianca as birth partners and it was cool. Bianca was curious to see what was going on, although she was also interested in her cartoons on the Ipad, but she got the chance to see her brother joining our family straightway instead than arriving after all was said and done. She wanted to touch him, kiss him, hug him and then she went off to buy me some dinner and got a nice chocolate pudding all for herself which moved all the other events to the background.
Fabio is a pretty normal newborn which feeds, poos, pees (up), cries and sleeps but it's cool to have a newborn again.
I'm well, looking forward to go home and begin this new adventure as family of four (+ angel).
He is here, now it's easy!
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
Fear not!
- 35 + 4 checked
- OBG/GYN checked
- hospital registration checked
- hospital bag checked
Still lots of movements tonight. At 35+4. Some of you may remember what this means.
Shall I just dare to put my feet up and wait for the first contraction or am I jinxing myself?
.JPG)
- OBG/GYN checked
- hospital registration checked
- hospital bag checked
Still lots of movements tonight. At 35+4. Some of you may remember what this means.
Shall I just dare to put my feet up and wait for the first contraction or am I jinxing myself?
Wednesday, 26 March 2014
The pregnancy after the pregnancy after loss*
It's impressive how little I have got my head around this new baby arrival. As a better blogger than me said, it must be the pregnancy after the pregnancy after loss. All the worries and emotional roller-coaster have been spent during the pregnancy after loss and nothing remains except a overall sense of helplessness. Which I'm not sure it's a good or bad thing.
I packed and shipped all his stuff and now that I'm pretty sure they won't arrive on time I start to worry and feel guilty. I don't even have a car seat to bring him back from the hospital. I don't even have a hospital actually - obviously in my renewed naive life philosophy that everything is going to be OK regardless my direct experience, I cannot even contemplate the possibility that something will not go all right -.
I'm so disorganized that I'm stupid. And the bad news is that I have no energy to do more. My entire package of energy disappeared a couple of days ago with John finally back and with no plans to go away for the foreseeable future. I'm drained. I'm a vegetable and I only want to sleep and wake up after labour with a functional house, a beautiful nursery and lots of accessories.
I would leave Bianca at school even at night if I could, thought that brings along more guilt but hey, it's life! no one said it is easy sail.
On the plus side, Houston is the easiest city ever to live in. Everything is close, everything is large, no need for too many clothes, everything is here as long as you have the address. Do not even think about finding places randomly because you'll end up wandering for hours alongside never-ending boulevards and 8 lines highways. Do you want a restaurant, a shop, a playground? Google it and put the navigation on. This is where my understanding of this place has got so far.
*@findingmynewnormal: sorry I have stolen the headline, but it's so effective... hopefully you will not sue me for plagiarism.
I packed and shipped all his stuff and now that I'm pretty sure they won't arrive on time I start to worry and feel guilty. I don't even have a car seat to bring him back from the hospital. I don't even have a hospital actually - obviously in my renewed naive life philosophy that everything is going to be OK regardless my direct experience, I cannot even contemplate the possibility that something will not go all right -.
I'm so disorganized that I'm stupid. And the bad news is that I have no energy to do more. My entire package of energy disappeared a couple of days ago with John finally back and with no plans to go away for the foreseeable future. I'm drained. I'm a vegetable and I only want to sleep and wake up after labour with a functional house, a beautiful nursery and lots of accessories.
I would leave Bianca at school even at night if I could, thought that brings along more guilt but hey, it's life! no one said it is easy sail.
On the plus side, Houston is the easiest city ever to live in. Everything is close, everything is large, no need for too many clothes, everything is here as long as you have the address. Do not even think about finding places randomly because you'll end up wandering for hours alongside never-ending boulevards and 8 lines highways. Do you want a restaurant, a shop, a playground? Google it and put the navigation on. This is where my understanding of this place has got so far.
*@findingmynewnormal: sorry I have stolen the headline, but it's so effective... hopefully you will not sue me for plagiarism.
Friday, 14 March 2014
How you get ready for your n-kid
Jacopo had everything ready months in advance.
Bianca had everything ready because she got Jacopo's things. They weren't in display until the very end for obvious reasons (house move included) but her clothes and stuff were there, ready to be used.
This one possesses nothing at all. All his siblings' stuff is lost between here and the UK and I'm not sure it will arrive on time. I just had one (ONE) babygro and one toy.
So yesterday I decided to take some action and to buy a few bits for a small hospital bag which at some point I have to decide to prepare. In principle I still have lots of time (namely more than a month) but you never know. So now this no-named new babyboy possesses 5 babygros, 2 sleepsuits and a pack of nappies (sorry diapers).
You're better off staying put a bit longer babyboy!!
I wonder what will happen if I ever decide to have another baby? Will he walk naked until age 5?
Bianca had everything ready because she got Jacopo's things. They weren't in display until the very end for obvious reasons (house move included) but her clothes and stuff were there, ready to be used.
This one possesses nothing at all. All his siblings' stuff is lost between here and the UK and I'm not sure it will arrive on time. I just had one (ONE) babygro and one toy.
So yesterday I decided to take some action and to buy a few bits for a small hospital bag which at some point I have to decide to prepare. In principle I still have lots of time (namely more than a month) but you never know. So now this no-named new babyboy possesses 5 babygros, 2 sleepsuits and a pack of nappies (sorry diapers).
You're better off staying put a bit longer babyboy!!
I wonder what will happen if I ever decide to have another baby? Will he walk naked until age 5?
Wednesday, 18 September 2013
Three bumps
The first one was the normal one. After the 12 canonical weeks I announced the pregnancy to family and friends showing off the picture of the dating scan. I've been fine, energetic, fit the whole pregnancy. I kept working and exercising. I didn't eat sushi and ham and took care to wash the bloody salad properly. I couldn't see myself as a mother, I was not prepared to have a son as any normal first time mum-to-be and I never bonded with the little thing growing inside me until much later.
Then the bump became Jacopo and Jacopo became an angel today three years ago. This was the 'end' of the story. I suddenly became an angel mum with an empty womb and an empty Moses basket with no other thought in mind than getting pregnant again.
The second one was the most desired and the most feared one. I stared at the pregnancy test with excitement and fear and I started to talk to the belly which was a bump just two months earlier that very evening. I never announced the pregnancy: people around me figured out in their own time, people far away never knew. I learned how to handle panic attacks, I survived the number of scans I had, I was tired and sad and scared and angry most of the time. I did eat sushi and ham and could not care less to wash the bloody salad because if Jacopo had died for no reason the bloody salad could go and get lost. I fed myself out of instant noodles, tuna, sweet corn and multivitamin pills to counterbalance the awful diet I was on. I hated my growing body as never before, and my body paid me back with pain everywhere. But I loved and talked to Bianca a lot. I talked to her since the very first moments I knew she was there and month after month she learnt how to answer, to reassure me, to make me feel safe and good. I spent the first 6 months in tears and the last two months holding my breath. Then Bianca arrived into the word safe and sound and life started to be good again. I enjoyed (and am still enjoying) every single second of motherhood as a gift that I still cannot give for granted. And the first pair of pre-bumps jeans that fit back empowered me as I started to feel a woman again.
The third bump is not a bump yet, it's just a little line on a peestick. It's the desired and yet not so desired one, it's the one that tempts faith, it's the one that 'we'll see', it's the one 'I HATE being pregnant. Why did I put myself in here again?'. Because I still want my three living kids, regardless of my age and my history.
I could wait to publish this post a bit longer, so to rule out things like ectopic pregnancy, early miscarriages and shit like that, but I'm dead sick to hold my breath that my pink line on the peestick is enough for me to celebrate with whoever still bothers to read me. So here I am, expecting my 3rd child, due in May. Watch this space!
Then the bump became Jacopo and Jacopo became an angel today three years ago. This was the 'end' of the story. I suddenly became an angel mum with an empty womb and an empty Moses basket with no other thought in mind than getting pregnant again.
The second one was the most desired and the most feared one. I stared at the pregnancy test with excitement and fear and I started to talk to the belly which was a bump just two months earlier that very evening. I never announced the pregnancy: people around me figured out in their own time, people far away never knew. I learned how to handle panic attacks, I survived the number of scans I had, I was tired and sad and scared and angry most of the time. I did eat sushi and ham and could not care less to wash the bloody salad because if Jacopo had died for no reason the bloody salad could go and get lost. I fed myself out of instant noodles, tuna, sweet corn and multivitamin pills to counterbalance the awful diet I was on. I hated my growing body as never before, and my body paid me back with pain everywhere. But I loved and talked to Bianca a lot. I talked to her since the very first moments I knew she was there and month after month she learnt how to answer, to reassure me, to make me feel safe and good. I spent the first 6 months in tears and the last two months holding my breath. Then Bianca arrived into the word safe and sound and life started to be good again. I enjoyed (and am still enjoying) every single second of motherhood as a gift that I still cannot give for granted. And the first pair of pre-bumps jeans that fit back empowered me as I started to feel a woman again.
The third bump is not a bump yet, it's just a little line on a peestick. It's the desired and yet not so desired one, it's the one that tempts faith, it's the one that 'we'll see', it's the one 'I HATE being pregnant. Why did I put myself in here again?'. Because I still want my three living kids, regardless of my age and my history.
I could wait to publish this post a bit longer, so to rule out things like ectopic pregnancy, early miscarriages and shit like that, but I'm dead sick to hold my breath that my pink line on the peestick is enough for me to celebrate with whoever still bothers to read me. So here I am, expecting my 3rd child, due in May. Watch this space!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)