Friday, 23 May 2014

Fabio and I

Fabio is a darling little boy who sleeps and eats and cries and grows up and so on. He is going to be 1 month old tomorrow but tomorrow is Saturday so I already know I won't have the time to sit down and write a post to honor his first monthiversary (this word actually exists).
In his one month of existence he can count: 1 orange hitting his little head, 1 well done slap in his face, 1 quasi-roll over from the Moses basket, several pinches.
His mother (me) counts several slaps in her face, several yells in her ears, several kicks taken, much less patience.
I'd love to write a post about "Fabio and I" but I've come quite quickly to the conclusion that "Fabio and I" actually have not really existed so much. On the contrary it is very much "Fabio vs Bianca and I as a mediator".
It is not entirely true of course. During school hours I have got plenty of time to enjoy my new baby, with lots of cuddles and kisses and that amazement of milk stench all over my clothes, but my head spins much more than back in 2011. Back in 2011 I was totally relaxed and drowned in my new role of Earth mum. I loved every second, I can clearly remember that amazing state of mind.
This time around I'm more concerned about Miss Big Sister than in love with Little Bro.  B is definitely struggling with this new arrival and all the other changes she's gone through in the last 6 months. Can't really blame her, but on the other side, I can't justify unacceptable behaviors. And the middle ground isn't easy to find.
Plus I feel guilty because I'd love to give Fabio what I gave to Miss Big Sister back in 2011.
But things change, and for us too many things have changed. I guess I'm in this space of mind because I'm not entirely comfortable with my new life and this is why I'm experiencing more "bad mummy moments" than I'd like.

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