Monday, 17 October 2011

Later today I was considering what I wrote yesterday about letting the rose go. I guess it has been more than a material object, it has been like letting him definitely go. This is the hardest part of being a parent I believe, at some point we need to let them go when they are ready to follow their way alone. Sky or earth, does it really matter?

Sunday, 16 October 2011

The rose

There was a white dried rose in my wardrobe. It's been there for over a year and it was one of the roses of Jacopo's funeral flowers. It would have been in my wardrobe forever and year after year I would've seen it  fade.
John and I decided to give the River the rose instead. We wanted to let the last material object go. Now I have nothing else than my memories. My boy lives only in my heart and it is all right.
We didn't plan to do this symbolic act today but I was glad we did, because today last year it was my due date. Jacopo had different plans.
One year has gone and John and I decided that it is today that it feels right to remember our son, not the day he died, not the day he was born asleep but the day which brought us joy, we looked forward for months, we made the countdown for. The day he had to be born.

Friday, 7 October 2011

Bianca and I

Bianca and I started our day very early with some naughty wind which didn't want to come out. Coffee for mummy, milk for Bianca and off we went to the embassy. At lunch time we stopped by Cafe' Rouge next to Harrods where Bianca had her milk and mummy her sausage and mash, carrot cake and cappuccino (breastfeeding makes me quite hungry). Posh people gave us strange looks but most of them were very delighted at the sight of you in your sling. Then mummy had to introduce you at the fabulous world of shoes and brought you at Harrods... Sling and heels (or pram and heels) aren't the best match ever but we can work on it. With the providential sales on, mummy had to buy a cardigan for rapid boob access and a fab babygro but you didn't let her shopping much. Why do you cry in shops and smile outside? which kind of mini woman are you? Then we came back home ready for another meal and some sleep. You gave me a lot of cooing and smiles before falling asleep in your almost outgrown moses basket.

Tomorrow will be very similar to today and the day after tomorrow as well. I hope this is how it's going to be forever. This is how it should have been already. But today there is no space for complaints, sadness, regret. Today is a special normal day for Bianca and I.