The pregnancy after the pregnancy after loss*

It's impressive how little I have got my head around this new baby arrival. As a better blogger than me said, it must be the pregnancy after the pregnancy after loss. All the worries and emotional roller-coaster have been spent during the pregnancy after loss and nothing remains except a overall sense of helplessness. Which I'm not sure it's a good or bad thing.
I packed and shipped all his stuff and now that I'm pretty sure they won't arrive on time I start to worry and feel guilty. I don't even have a car seat to bring him back from the hospital. I don't even have a hospital actually - obviously in my renewed naive life philosophy that everything is going to be OK regardless my direct experience, I cannot even contemplate the possibility that something will not go all right -.

I'm so disorganized that I'm stupid. And the bad news is that I have no energy to do more. My entire package of energy disappeared a couple of days ago with John finally back and with no plans to go away for the foreseeable future. I'm drained. I'm a vegetable and I only want to sleep and wake up after labour with a functional house, a beautiful nursery and lots of accessories.
I would leave Bianca at school even at night if I could, thought that brings along more guilt but hey, it's life! no one said it is easy sail.

On the plus side, Houston is the easiest city ever to live in. Everything is close, everything is large, no need for too many clothes, everything is here as long as you have the address. Do not even think about finding places randomly because you'll end up wandering for hours alongside never-ending boulevards and 8 lines highways. Do you want a restaurant, a shop, a playground? Google it and put the navigation on. This is where my understanding of this place has got so far.

*@findingmynewnormal: sorry I have stolen the headline, but it's so effective... hopefully you will not sue me for plagiarism.