Tuesday, 15 February 2011

10 sentences very likely to annoy a bereavement mum

What's written below is particularly true in early days and weeks, then a bit it subsides.

How are you?
How the hell do you think I am? Pretty shit thanks. I know it's your way to start a conversation but, really, can't we talk about the weather? Do you really want me to struggle in a superfake and polite 'fine'?

It will ease in time
Of course it will, everyone knows it but I swear in this precise moment 'time' is pretty far away and right now I just want to kill myself so it doesn't help that you remind me that maybe in 3 years time I'll be better. 3 years have to pass and in the meantime I'll be pretty shit. Thanks again.

Those are things that happen. You need to accept it.
Yes, sure! easy to say when it happens to someone else. I can't stand the fatalistic attitude coming from people who had a bloody easy life.

It's God's plan.
WTF... couldn't God have had plans for someone else?

Anger is a bad feeling and it damages yourself.
You know what, just shut the f* up. My baby died for no reason and all my hopes and plans and dreams died with him and I'm not even allowed to be bloody pissed off? And what's for? If you want to play at Our Immaculate Lady, go and play with someone else.

It's not her fault (referred to someone else who had a perfect pregnancy, straightforward labour and perfectly healthy baby and you don't want to know anything about)
Of course it isn't, but do you really need to point out how successful she was and what a bloody failure I WAS? I retain to stub any single pregnant woman and any single baby on my way home every day and it costs a lot of efforts, so please, leave me alone.

You need to move on.
No, darling, I don't need to move on, you need to stop missing the point. A son isn't something we need to move on from, it's something which is part of your life FOREVER, even if he is dead.

They are fine (referred to someone else still pregnant who knew your amazing news and was understandably shocked)
Good for them, I don't give a shit!

Are you back at work?
I know that you really want me to be back to normal and work is part of 'normal' but really, I'm not so into career at the moment.

Golden one: Take it easy, stay calm, don't rush, it isn't a competition (when you say that you want another baby).
Oh yes, it is. It is a competition with the f*ing destiny. It took my baby away, I'll make other 5 to get revenge. And I'll start tonight, for God sake. I don't give a shit about what doctors, midwives, obstetricians, GPs, consultants, whoever say. I'm gonna produce another baby immediately and then one per year until menopause. And we'll see who wins eventually, eh, life?


  1. Thanks for following my blog!
    Following back now!

  2. I don't really know what to say or do, I just read you and try to understand and there's just one phrase:
    "you gotta fight for your right to mommy!!!!!"

  3. you've already won, because you've never given up, and you won't.